He hears my cries

With getting married in 18 days, love has been on my mind a lot. I am often aware of how miserable I am at loving others, even my love, Jerry. I am a selfish creature and desire everything to go my way, and have everyone be what I want them to be. But that's not love at all. I even wrote a little note for me at work to remind me what love is and what love isn't.

 

While at work this morning, a situation arose and I normally find it difficult to love in that circumstance. I get annoyed, and wonder why they do what they do. Having talked to Jerry about this struggle, I would tell him that I need to just love this person, not expect them to change, and not feel sinned against, mostly because, they are probably completely clueless of my struggle. However, that is easier said than done. Anyway, completely separate from my strength and desires, God gave me words to say to this person which changed the path of events. Afterwards, I felt like what I had said was completely random and bizarre, because I had not been preemptive praying for God's grace to love those around me today. I knew that it was God who had spoken those words, and not me. And I was awe struck. What was normally an aggravating circumstance ended up being nothing. The person had not changed. My expectations changed. It was really encouraging and exciting, because I felt like that moment was a moment of growth that I was longing and praying for. And God answered.

 

My meditations in the Psalms have been an extreme encouragement to me. I will be sad when it is over. Though, only a little, considering that it will mean that I am married =) One of the things that God has been teaching me is that He is on our side. He defends our cause, protects us, and loves us. Yesterday I read that His law is perfect, and that I am to rejoice in it. Often times we look at the Law as rules and regulations God put there to keep us from having fun, because He doesn't love us. But that is far from the Truth. He gives us His law because He loves us and knows what is best for us. We all know the feeling of giving in to sin and how miserable you feel afterwards. This morning I read "The cords of death encompassed me; the torrents of destruction assailed me; the cords of Sheol entangled me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called upon the LORD; to my God I cried for help. From His temple He heard my voice, and my cry to Him reaches His ears." I was so excited. If God heard David, with such large fears and requests, I have confidence that He hears mine! I have the same God today. And He hears my cry for help to love others. I may not be in the throes of death, but God does not think of my trials as insignificant and unworthy His time. And He hears me! Oh, He hears me! And yet I am so undeserving.

Let the wild rumpus begin!

Did you know that Where the Wild Things Are is my all time favorite children's book ever? It is. I'm serious. I have the shirt to prove. In fact, I'm wearing the shirt tonight now.

And I love it SO much, that when my first child has a birthday when he will be old enough to appreciate it, I will make him this cake.



Awesome, isn't it? My kid is going to be the luckiest kid ever. Not quite sure how I'll do it, but I will. Just check in like 10 years (wink, wink) for the pictures.

OH, and did I mention they're coming out with a movie? Well they are. October 16th. I HAVE to see it. Don't believe me? Check it out here. I dare ya.

If I wasn't happy before, I am now.

30 days to go!

As Jerry and I count down the days to our much anticipated wedding day, I started reading the Psalms in a countdown as well. After mentioning it to Jerry, he followed along. This started back almost when we first got engaged. Each Psalm can be very different from the one I read the day before. Some encourage me. Some sober me. Some convict me.

 

Today is day 30 =)

*Note the smile

The last few days, the Psalms have carried a similar theme. I'm not sure if they're all written by David or not, but whoever the writers are, they are going through the same struggles and feel the same about God. There seems to be this statement of acknowledgement of God's deliverance, strength, comfort, protection. Then the writer speaks of persecution, loneliness, fleeing, neighbors hating them. And then the writer reminds himself of who God is, and praises him. Christ is never explicitly stated, and yet each morning and cannot help but think that I have deliverance because of Christ. If I am faithful to confess my sins, then, because of Christ, God is faithful to forgive. To love. To comfort. To protect. To be my God.

 

These Psalms are very real. I relate to them. And because of that, I am encouraged.

All things made new

This morning in my meditation I read chapter 15 in John Piper's book The Passion of Jesus Christ, "To Make us holy, blameless, and perfect". I was encouraged as I read that our hope is in becoming perfect (sanctification), we are already perfect (justification). I have the power of Christ to overcome sin, become holy, blameless, and perfect, because He has used that same power to die on the cross and already made me perfect. I find that encouraging because sometimes I get discouraged by my sin. I long to be perfect, and yet forget that I already am.

I mourn for this world, particularly America. It is going in a direction that I care not to go, at all. This morning I heard on the radio that they are trying to legalize children under the age of 18 to not need parental consent for medical care, i.e. abortions, the Morning-After Pill, and other kinds of birth control. This would be a very bad direction for us to take. Do we honestly think our 13 year old daughters have the wisdom to know what is right or wrong? I know I didn't at 13. They obviously lack wisdom if they are planning to have sex.

Also, today I was on Amazon checking some things out for work, when my eyes were assaulted by a cover image for a book where the woman had no shirt on and her arm was over her breasts. I wanted to vomit in my trash can. I'm not naive. I know these images have been out there for many years. But it seems like we are heading in a direction that it will become easier for children growing up to learn about pornography. At this point in time, I want to keep my children as far away from the internet as possible. There is such a struggle for men with lust, I hate to think how much our culture is doing to feed it.

I wish there was something that I could do, but I feel so inadequate.

Poor lady…

… and yet, still SO funny. I'm sure she went into cardiac arrest when she realized what happened.

It reminded me of a similar circumstance, now over a year ago. If you want a reminder, you can read it here.

Ode to Chick-fil-A

I need not say anything for what you are about to watch.

This too shall pass

Since life was getting to be too quiet, easy, laid back, uneventful and slow, I decided to spice things up and break my foot. Well, not quite. Life is quite busy right now, and breaking my foot was not in my plans by any means. However, God has better plans for me, and this is the best thing for me. I believe, if for no other reason than for me to put my trust back in God.

Planning for the wedding has been fairly simple. I have been involved in many weddings over the last 4 years, and I have to say that I’ve got it easy. My mom’s the best wedding coordinator that I could ever ask for. I want a simple wedding anyway, so that relieves some of the stress to begin with. But even in the simple wedding I want, there are a few specific things I want, and mom has been a saint in making them happen.

It’s very easy to get caught up in the actual planning and details of the wedding and forget what’s really going on and what really matters. Well, at least for me. I want a simple sit down dinner reception, but at what cost? Making it impossible for the people overseeing to enjoy any part of the reception? Well no, but that’s the way it was going.

Anyway, I’ve gotten far away from my original point of the post. I’m thankful I broke my foot. I was getting way too comfy in my little world. I was living out of Kim’s little kingdom, and was forgetting that my life is meant to be lived for His kingdom. With a broken foot, I am almost completely dependent on everyone in my life. I have to take my mom grocery shopping with me, she’s doing my laundry, Jess is doing all my dishes, people at work help me from point A to point B, and Jerry helps me do anything that he possible can, even down to my taxes. With the complete dependence also comes much needed forbearance. It’s hard for me to not become bitter at points. Sometimes, I feel this enormous amount of independence and just want to tell everyone to bug off, I can do it myself. But really, I can’t. I guess the Lord knew I was in need of some humble pie. I am thankful for everyone’s help, because I know I need it.

All day is a continuous work out. So, by the end of it, I’m ready to crash. Now I definitely need those 8 hours of sleep. Please do pray though, that my foot will heal properly. As it is, I get my foot x-rayed in five weeks to make sure the bone fused back together. It would be a hard pill to swallow if I had to walk down the aisle with a cane or something.